Church & Family: Part 2

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a family member about church or faith and found it to be incredibly difficult or awkward? Yeah, me neither....

Why is it so difficult to talk with family members and loved ones about something so important as faith? Part of me thinks it should be easy to talk about things like this with the people closest to us and yet that is rarely the case. Here are a couple guesses why...

Issues of church and faith have often been seen as a very personal, and even private thing. Regardless if it's a family member or not, we are slightly uncomfortable talking about such a personal thing and would hate to make a loved one feel that same level of uncomfortableness by asking him or her how church is going. Many of us have fallen into the misconception that church participation or matters of faith are personal in nature and therefore not up for discussion. This idea runs completely counter to the picture we see in scripture of what it means to be the Church and what it means to live a life of faith. These cannot be done in isolation. As John Wesley mentions, "The gospel of Christ knows of no religion, but social; no holiness but social holiness."

I'm reminded of the time when Jesus arrives in his hometown to teach and everyone eventually runs him out of town (Luke 4:14-29). Sometimes it is difficult to talk with family members about church because they know us so well. Often times they have seen us at our worst; when we are most selfish or stubborn, and so we feel as though we have been disqualified from being able to talk about things like church, faith, and God. I wonder if there is a way you and I might use the experiences our loved ones have of us to show them how much of a difference church can make in one's life. In order to do that though, you have to actually try to be less selfish, stubborn, judgmental, etc.

Another reason I think it can be so difficult to have these kind of conversations with family members is the fear of "What Ifs." What if my family member asks me a question about faith I don't know the answer to? What if my loved one feels awkward when I ask her about her thoughts on church? What if...? What if...? The fear of things that never happen can paralyze us. Like so many other "What Ifs," we simply won't know until we try, so we spend time in prayer and trust the Holy Spirit to guide our words. Are these conversations we can afford to not have with our family and loved ones?

Tell us, what other things make it difficult to talk church and faith with family? How do you have these sorts of conversations?

A Thought on the Lord's Supper

If the Church owes to baptism the fact that it is a Church, and does not have to become a Church through its own pious works, the Church owes to the Lord's Supper the fact that it remains a Church, despite any falling away and failure.

~from The Church by Hans Kung

Church & Family: Part 1

The holidays provide an opportunity for many of us to spend time with family we don't often see. This is certainly the case with my family as all of the aunts, uncles, and cousins descend on my Grandma's house. Our family Christmas party provided a chance to hang out, catch-up, and for the first time I can remember in my 34yrs (I turn 34 tomorrow), a great conversation about church.

I'm not sure what it's like at your family gatherings but for us, the kitchen is one of the best places for conversation. Maybe it's the close proximity to the food and drinks that makes the kitchen the perfect place for congregating but for as long as I can remember, it's been that way at my Grandma's.

It was there in the kitchen that our conversation turned to church. It was great to hear from a few of my relatives about their feelings concerning church. From a family that has very strong Roman Catholic roots, here are a couple things I learned about their thoughts and experiences with church, which I also assume might be common for many others...

1. How a church manages its money matters. The issue of money came up a couple of times and was accompanied by lots of passion. There was frustration at money misspent, the perception that pastors were getting rich off the congregation, and the constant talk of needing to give more to the church. It seems as though one of the best ways to help alleviate these concerns is through financial transparency. I was somewhat surprised at how big a deal the issue of money was and this proved to be a helpful reminder.

2. People are looking for authenticity. We're all hypocrites in one way or another but the challenge becomes how we navigate that with each other. I heard my family members talk about their desire to not only find an authentic pastor or priest but feel as though they were welcomed despite their short comings. The Church must constantly remind individuals it's not about getting the mess of life figured out before you show up but that the Church can be a place of support in the messiness of life, which leads me to my next point...

3. A sense of family is important. I heard family members talk about friends who attended churches that supported, provided, and cared for each other. This was EXTREMELY attractive to my family members, and I would guess most people as well. It was heartbreaking to hear of the experiences my family had with churches that failed to show support and seemed to be incredibly inward focused. We must do a better job as the Church of being the Body of Christ, a body that loves, challenges, and supports the other parts of the body.

Did you have any conversations about church with your family? If so, tell us what they were like. 

In part 2 of this post, I'm going to spend a little time talking about the difficulty of talking faith with family.

Times Like These

Be present. Make yourself available to those who may need you. Your significant other, your children, your coworker, your neighbor, and the individual you have yet to meet.

Listen. Be willing to be silent. Listen people into speech and then hear what they have to say. Practice being "quick to listen" and "slow to speak."

Cry. Attempts to hide or fake emotion is not helpful. Appearing "strong" is not the same as being strong. Mourn with those who mourn, as healing can be found through tears.

Pray. We trust in the One who promises to bring salvation and whose ears hear our prayers. We long to be made whole in a world that is broken, and so we pray, "Come Lord Jesus, Come."

Split Talk

There has been a lot of talk lately about The United Methodist Church splitting primarily over the issue of homosexuality. I wrote this post in July discussing one possible outcome.

With all of the renewed conversation around this topic, I'm starting to feel like a jerk because it feels less and less likely that both "sides" will be able to make it work, and that isn't bothering me. The arguing, hurt, pain, and divisiveness bother me, but the possible outcomes not so much. Like so many other things within our denomination, the need to trust in God's presence and plan are even more apparent.

Where do you find yourself? How do you see The United Methodist Church moving forward? How do you hope it moves forward?

Wesley Sermon Chat

I am getting ready to host the second round of #jwchat, an opportunity to come together as a Twitter community to discuss John Wesley's sermons. Here are some details...

-Our Twitter chat will take place each Thursday night at 9:00pm EST starting on Sept. 27th.
-We will use the hashtag #jwchat for our Twitter conversations.
-We will read and discuss 8 of Wesley's sermons over an 8 week period, reading & discussing one sermon a week. You can find them online here and here. Here is our reading schedule: 

• On Sin in Believers (#13) (9/27)
• The Means of Grace (#16) (10/4)
• Catholic Spirit (#39) (10/11)
• Christian Perfection (#40) (10/18)
• Of Hell (#73) (10/25)
• On Family Religion (#94) (11/1)
• On Riches (#108) (11/8)
• On Love (#139) (11/15)

-We will use these 3 questions to guide our discussions each Thursday:

• If you were to preach this sermon in 140 characters, what would it be?
• How did you hear God speaking to you through this sermon?
• What did you discover that is most relevant to your community?

Let me know if you have any questions, suggestions, or plan to join us.

Traditional Prejudices

As many of you know, I am a United Methodist pastor in the Indiana Annual Conference. Each clergy member within our conference is required to attend diversity training and professional boundaries class every four years. This past week I attended my diversity training class and walked away with a few observations and questions.

• The barriers we build or maintain that keep diversity from happening go beyond the gender or race of people in the pews but also the physical space they are sitting in. The physical spaces of our churches can be active barriers to diversity. 

• During the class I began wondering about the relationship between change and diversity. Does diversity necessitate change? Can diversity happen without a willingness to change? 

• When we discussed various groups (white males, Asians, African-Americans, LGBTQ, women, American Indians, etc.) I was surprised how the two words “entitled” and “lazy” were used to describe almost each group. Interesting how stereotypes are shared from one group to the next. 

• I also walked away with the realization of how homogeneous the majority of our churches are in Indiana. My entire table at this class consisted of white males, mostly older. I would guess less than 1/3 of those attending were women, which was the only place any racial diversity was apparent. Most United Methodist churches in Indiana are rural and smaller. All of this made me realize that even our prejudices are “traditional” in nature, by this I mean racial and gender focused. We never discussed prejudices between: urban & rural, economic classes, sexual identities, people with disabilities, big churches & smaller churches, etc. 

Overall I found the class to be helpful and believe we must have these conversations as the Church. We don’t all have to agree but we all have to be open to dialogue.

What thoughts do you have to share about diversity? What has your experience been?

Ten Years

Today is mine and my wife's 10yr wedding anniversary. It's crazy to me that ten years have passed already. While I do not claim to be an expert on marriage, never have and never will, I do think there are a couple (of course there are more than just these 2 but I didn't want to bore you too much) things that have helped to make the past 10yrs work for us.

Humility
I might also call this servanthood or submission but that would mess-up my attempts at alliteration. Striving to live in humility with each other has opened up the opportunity for us to not only serve each other and look toward the others interest but also say, "Sorry." This word is HUGE in a marriage. This may surprise you to hear this but you are not perfect, neither is your spouse. This fact makes the ability to apologize an important part of a healthy marriage. Humility allows you to not only live with each other but deal with each other in a graceful way on a daily basis, ten years and beyond.

Humor
I'm fortunate because my wife is hilarious. I'm surprised how many people don't know this about her but it has given us plenty of laughter over the past 10yrs. It is not uncommon for our sense of humors to feed off of each other to the point of being funny only to ourselves. Laughter is one of the sounds of love. Being able to laugh with, and at, your spouse (and yourself) makes marriage a lot more fun. Give it a shot and see what happens. 

Dallas Cowboys & Discipleship

The Dallas Cowboys have a wide receiver on their team by the name of Dez Bryant. Mr. Bryant has recently run into some issues away from the football field, which has caused his NFL team to do something I found not only interesting but perhaps something the Church could learn from. You can read more specifics here.

I appreciated hearing the Cowboys say they cared about Mr. Bryant as a player and a person. They even mentioned their desire to help him and his family. The key, they said, would be accountability. They recognized it was not fair to expect Mr. Bryant to do it on his own, so they stepped in to offer support. This is a commitment of time, energy, and resources on behalf of his team.

It seems as though it might not be much different when it comes to discipleship. The Church cannot expect individuals to “do discipleship” on their own without being willing to commit time, energy, and resources. If an NFL team can do it, why can’t we?

Everyone's a Critic...Really?

There is a difference between being critical and being negative. Thinking critically is an important part of Wesleyan theology as we encourage people to use reason when thinking about things as part of Our Theological Task. I'm guessing when asking people to think critically, we're not asking them to complain or hate on everything.

This goes beyond theology and into every aspect of life; politics, books, movies, work, education, church, etc. Critical thinking is more than simply saying something is "good" or "bad," that you like it or don't. Critical thinking answers the question of why you like something or not.

So tell us, how do you give critical feedback without being negative? Do you receive critical feedback well?

Social Media Is Not Going Away

Scriptural Leadership 'Hangout'

I've been wanting to start an online study using a Google+ Hangout for some time now but have been struggling to pick a topic. With the conclusion of Willow Creek Association's Global Leadership Summit (and some help from @indypenny) I found some inspiration for a discussion topic. We are going to spend a couple weeks talking about what the Bible has to teach us about leadership. Plan on "hanging out" with us on Thursday nights @8:30pm EST starting Thursday, August 16th.

Interested in being a part of the conversation? I hope so. Here's what you'll need:

1. A Google+ Account (a Gmail account works as well, you will simply have to join Google+). Register for one here.
2. Visit the Sunrise Google+ Page and look for the 'Hangout' in the timeline.
3. Speakers to listen.
4. A microphone if you want to speak, but not required.
5. A webcam if you want to be seen, but not required. 
6. A keyboard if you want to join in the conversation.

Any questions? Just let me know.

A House Divided

Historically The United Methodist Church has been on the forefront of pressing social issues, dating back to the 18th and 19th centuries around things such as the institution of slavery, the role of women in the Church and on through the Civil Rights era. This is not to say that we, by any means, have been perfect along the way. Our “walk” has not always followed our “talk.”

I’m wondering if once again The United Methodist Church has the opportunity to be an example on the issue of homosexuality, though perhaps not how you might guess. Is it possible The United Methodist Church could demonstrate what a graceful transition into a new denomination might look like? I’m not suggesting which “side” should chart a new course but rather if there is a way we might facilitate this, for either “side,” while demonstrating and living in the grace that is foundational to our theology?

With the completion of The UMC conference season and the division that has become more apparent moving from General Conference into the various Jurisdictional Conferences on the issue of inclusivity, I can’t help but wonder if it is only a matter of time before one “side” or the other will be forced to leave. The words of Jesus come to mind, “a house divided against itself will fall” (Mthw 12:25; Mk 3:25; Lk 11:17). Under our current “united” structure, I believe the hurt will only become deeper as individuals continue to press the issue, an issue that will not be going away anytime soon. We all share the goal of “creating disciples for the transformation of the world,” but the longer we remain divided, the more energy we all spend away from this mission.

Would the creation of a new denomination free both “sides” to do ministry in the way they feel called, respectively? Could a graceful creation and transition into a new denomination alleviate the hurt? Or would it cause more? What might another resolution look like?

I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts, I hope you feel welcome to share and brainstorm with me.

A Prayer for Today

I call to you, O Lord, from my quiet darkness. Show me your mercy and love. Let me see your face, hear your voice, touch the hem of your cloak. I want to love you, be with you, speak to you and simply stand in your presence. But I cannot make it happen. Pressing my eyes against my hands is not praying, and reading about your presence is not living in it.

But there is that moment in which you will come to me, as you did to your fearful disciples, and say, "Do not be afraid; it is I." Let that moment come soon, O Lord. And if you want to delay it, then make me patient. Amen.

~From A Cry for Mercy by Henri J. M. Nouwen

Wesley Sermon Read-Along

It all started when my Twitter friend and fellow UMCer Andrew Conard (@andrewconard and check out his blog here) mentioned he was thinking about rereading through some of Wesley's sermons that the idea took-off. I told him I would be interested in doing that with him and before we knew it, we had 25+ who wanted to form a Wesley read-along group. After a handful of emails back and forth, here is what Andrew and I came up with:

-We will host a Twitter chat each Monday night at 8:30pm cst/9:30pm est starting on June 4th.
-We will use the hashtag #jwchat for our Twitter conversations.
-We will read and discuss Wesley's first 8 sermons over an 8 week period, reading & discussing one sermon a week. You can find them online here and here. Here is our reading schedule: 

• Salvation by Faith (6/4)
• The Almost Christian (6/11)
• Awake, Thou That Sleepest (6/18)
• Scriptural Christianity (6/25)
• Justification by Faith (7/2)
• The Righteousness of Faith (7/9)
• The Way to the Kingdom (7/16)
• The First Fruits of the Spirit (7/23)

-We will use these 3 questions to guide our discussions each Monday:

• If you were to preach this sermon in 140 characters, what would it be?
• How did you hear God speaking to you through this sermon?
• What did you discover that is most relevant to your community?

Let me know if you have any questions, suggestions, or plan to join us.

Matthew 27:32-46

³² As they were going out, they found Simon, a man from Cyrene. They forced him to carry his cross. ³³ When they came to a place called Golgotha, which means Skull Place, ³⁴ they gave Jesus wine mixed with vinegar to drink. But after tasting it, he didn’t want to drink it. ³⁵ After they crucified him, they divided up his clothes among them by drawing lots. ³⁶ They sat there, guarding him. ³⁷ They placed above his head the charge against him. It read, “This is Jesus, the king of the Jews.” ³⁸ They crucified with him two outlaws, one on his right side and one on his left.
 ³⁹ Those who were walking by insulted Jesus, shaking their heads ⁴⁰ and saying, “So you were going to destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, were you? Save yourself! If you are God’s Son, come down from the cross.”
 ⁴¹ In the same way, the chief priests, along with the legal experts and the elders, were making fun of him, saying, ⁴² “He saved others, but he can’t save himself. He’s the king of Israel, so let him come down from the cross now. Then we’ll believe in him. ⁴³ He trusts in God, so let God deliver him now if he wants to. He said, ‘I’m God’s Son.’” ⁴⁴ The outlaws who were crucified with him insulted him in the same way. ⁴⁵ From noon until three in the afternoon the whole earth was dark. ⁴⁶ At about three Jesus cried out with a loud shout, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani,” which means, “My God, my God, why have you left me?" (CEB)

Even in Jesus' death He was associated with the least and the lost. Crucified between two convicted criminals hung the Savior of the world. This act of humble obedience serves as the in-breaking of God's kingdom for without Christ's death, we would still be slaves to sin.

What does the death of Christ mean for you? How does it challenge your own obedience to God's will? 

What do you find meaningful, confusing, or challenging in this passage?

Matthew 26:57-68

⁵⁷ Those who arrested Jesus led him to Caiaphas the high priest. The legal experts and the elders had gathered there. ⁵⁸ Peter followed him from a distance until he came to the high priest’s courtyard. He entered that area and sat outside with the officers to see how it would turn out.
 ⁵⁹ The chief priests and the whole council were looking for false testimony against Jesus so that they could put him to death. ⁶⁰ They didn’t find anything they could use from the many false witnesses who were willing to come forward. But finally they found two ⁶¹ who said, “This man said, ‘I can destroy God’s temple and rebuild it in three days.’”
 ⁶² Then the high priest stood and said to Jesus, “Aren’t you going to respond to the testimony these people have brought against you?”
 ⁶³ But Jesus was silent.
   The high priest said, “By the living God, I demand that you tell us whether you are the Christ, God’s Son.”
 ⁶⁴ “You said it,” Jesus replied. “But I say to you that from now on you’ll see the Human One sitting on the right side of the Almighty and coming on the heavenly clouds.”
 ⁶⁵ Then the high priest tore his clothes and said, “He’s insulting God! Why do we need any more witnesses? Look, you’ve heard his insult against God. ⁶⁶ What do you think?”
   And they answered, “He deserves to die!” ⁶⁷ Then they spit in his face and beat him. They hit him ⁶⁸ and said, “Prophesy for us, Christ! Who hit you?" (CEB)

I have never been spit on but imagine it is one of the more degradable things one human could do to another. I would think one of my first reactions would be to respond with violence if someone spit in my face and here we see Jesus, in complete humility, stand and take it.

It seems to me that in this difficult moment, the life and actions of Jesus speak quite profoundly, even in His silence. How do you use your silence? When do you find it appropriate to speak-up or remain silent? Even in the face of accusations or inaccuracies?

What do you find meaningful, confusing, or challenging in this passage?

Matthew 26:36-46

³⁶ Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane. He said to the disciples, “Stay here while I go and pray over there.” ³⁷ When he took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, he began to feel sad and anxious. ³⁸ Then he said to them, “I’m very sad. It’s as if I’m dying. Stay here and keep alert with me.” ³⁹ Then he went a short distance farther and fell on his face and prayed, “My Father, if it’s possible, take this cup of suffering away from me. However—not what I want but what you want.”
 ⁴⁰ He came back to the disciples and found them sleeping. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you stay alert one hour with me? ⁴¹ Stay alert and pray so that you won’t give in to temptation. The spirit is eager, but the flesh is weak.” ⁴² A second time he went away and prayed, “My Father, if it’s not possible that this cup be taken away unless I drink it, then let it be what you want.”
 ⁴³ Again he came and found them sleeping. Their eyes were heavy with sleep. ⁴⁴ But he left them and again went and prayed the same words for the third time. ⁴⁵ Then he came to his disciples and said to them, “Will you sleep and rest all night? Look, the time has come for the Human One to be betrayed into the hands of sinners. ⁴⁶ Get up. Let’s go. Look, here comes my betrayer.” (CEB)

Sometimes we try so hard and still fall short. These three disciples must have felt awful for falling asleep as their friend Jesus was feeling so much sadness and pain. Jesus must have felt so alone.

Good intentions are nice but not enough. Even in Jesus' prayer we see the need for active obedience, not simply an intention to obey. How might you move from intention to action? Has Lent challenged you in this way?

What do you find meaningful, confusing, or challenging in this passage?

Matthew 26:17-30

¹⁷ On the first day of the Festival of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Where do you want us to prepare for you to eat the Passover meal?”
 ¹⁸ He replied, “Go into the city, to a certain man, and say, ‘The teacher says, “My time is near. I’m going to celebrate the Passover with my disciples at your house.” ’” ¹⁹ The disciples did just as Jesus instructed them. They prepared the Passover.
 ²⁰ That evening he took his place at the table with the twelve disciples. ²¹ As they were eating he said, “I assure you that one of you will betray me.”
 ²² Deeply saddened, each one said to him, “I’m not the one, am I, Lord?”
 ²³ He replied, “The one who will betray me is the one who dips his hand with me into this bowl. ²⁴ The Human One goes to his death just as it is written about him. But how terrible it is for that person who betrays the Human One! It would have been better for him if he had never been born.”
 ²⁵ Now Judas, who would betray him, replied, “It’s not me, is it, Rabbi?”
   Jesus answered, “You said it.” (CEB)

It was not as if Jesus had no idea Judas was about to betray Him and yet He still invited Judas to the table. We cannot afford to miss the weight of this act. Jesus chooses to share with one He knows will hurt Him.

Scratch out Judas' name and put yours or mine and the invitation from Jesus reads the same: "I know that you already have, and will likely again, hurt, betray, ignore me but your seat at the table is always open and ready for you. Come not because you deserve it, but because you're invited."

What do you find meaningful, confusing, or challenging in this passage? 

Romans 12:14-21

¹⁴ Bless people who harass you—bless and don’t curse them. ¹⁵ Be happy with those who are happy, and cry with those who are crying. ¹⁶ Consider everyone as equal, and don’t think that you’re better than anyone else. Instead associate with people who have no status. Don’t think that you’re so smart. ¹⁷ Don’t pay back anyone for their evil actions with evil actions, but show respect for what everyone else believes is good.
 ¹⁸ If possible, to the best of your ability, live at peace with all people. ¹⁹ Don’t try to get revenge for yourselves, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath. It is written, Revenge belongs to me; I will pay it back, says the Lord. ²⁰ Instead, If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. By doing this, you will pile burning coals of fire upon his head. ²¹ Don’t be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good." (CEB)

Think of the last time you shared in the emotions of another. What sort of impact did it have on you? What about the other person? Paul challenges us to do just that, enter into the emotions of others, not in a way that is unhealthy or self-serving but rather as a means of support.

One of the other things this does is level the playing field. Paul says, "Consider everyone as equal," which emotions give us the chance to do. Rich or poor, anger is anger. PhD or GED, sorrow is sorrow. Black or white, loneliness is loneliness. Sharing the emotions of another puts us face to face and heart to heart. Seems like a great picture of what it means to follow Jesus.

What do you find meaningful, confusing, or challenging in this passage?